I recently had a discussion with friend about singleness. Both of us have struggled with this issue for a quite a long time. I think at this point in our lives that God is teaching us the same thing on singleness and faith but I also think this is because this is the view He would have us cling to above any other. Not because it is easy but because it is what glorifies him…below is an excerpt of our discussion:
Melissa: My friend sent me this link about a book and I thought you might find it interesting:
“Get Married:What Women Can Do to Help It Happen” By Candice Watters
This is not a book about making the most of singleness, nor is it a how-to with ten steps to “finding the man of your dreams.” Rather, it’s a book that encourages single women to live like they plan to get married. It will show you how to embrace Christian community, learn to encourage men and empower women as you work toward your ultimate goal: a God-glorifying marriage. Includes commonly asked questions about applying Get Married to individual situations, recommended reading, and author’s personal story.
Friend: hmmm, sounds cool! kinda different the way she put it, but refreshing.. the whole ”as you work toward your ultimate goal: a God-glorifying marriage”. Seems like people always try to make me feel guilty cuz I look forward to it so much, do you think you will get the book?
Melissa: i doubt it..but it sounded like something you would like so i thought i’d share
Friend: I probably wont read it, I have read so many of those kind of books, im pretty sure If I went in the singles section of lifeway I can tell you all those books in alphabetical order… well maybe not. But I think girls get those books, i know i did for this reason, becasue they think it will bring their future husband quicker.. or blah blah.. anywho.. I’ll stick to my nicholoas sparks for now I suppose.. as he gives me a completely unrealistic view of love.. he he I am starting twighlight though, im excited!
Melissa: yeah i didn’t feel like getting it because i don’t know if i really agree with it all that much…My thinking is what if you prepare your life away for someone who never comes…i’d rather just “make the most of singleness” as they put it and if it happens…it happens…either way I’m serving the Lord.
Friend: exactly like my planning to seminary. Im planning on at least geting my certificate, and then coming overseas to do an appreticship. I cant sit around in america and wait for a guy that is also called to the field. I have to keep truckin it!
This book sounds good on the surface but the more I thought about it I realized I didn’t like it’s proposal for the purpose of my life. I don’t need to “live like I plan on getting married” because that sows a dream within my heart that is not centered on the purpose of the cross. I know this books summary proposes a fallacious purpose in life BECAUSE of where God has me now. I live in Japan as a missionary!!! I can’t live “like I plan to get married” and “embrace Christian community” for my own selfish purposes. It sounds like a self-help book on how best to use the kingdom of God to advance your own purpose in life…marriage. No!!! I refuse to be tempted to live “like I plan to get married” if that means I have to reformat how I view the Christian community.
Our my minds should be set on the kingdom of God. Now, maybe this is what she actually explains in the book…I have to hold my tongue and not condemn the author since of course I’ve never even read the book. What I’m saying is that from the summary of this book I am forced to disagree her. I must live my life making the most of singleness. This doesn’t mean that I live my life as some staunch Christian feminist who opposes marriage or that I have to center my life around the preparation of a marriage that may never come. Living my life for God and making the most of singleness IS the best preparation for marriage no matter what this books summary claims because, I live my life in the way God intended me to, for HIM. I have my goals set on expanding His kingdom…not my own. I am living for Him as a good steward of the life He has blessed me with.
Maybe this singleness of mine is a season or maybe it’s a lifetime. I don’t know, but I do know that it shouldn’t matter, because God knows what I need and He is faithful. He will be faithful to give me a mate if HE determines it is not good for me to be alone. My heart desires to be married and I know that God understands that better than I do. So, I must rest satisfied in Him knowing that I can trust Him in all circumstances, especially my singleness. That living single, with the desire to be married, while living for God, is daily an act of faith. Faith that I don’t have to run after boys or live life a special way because I need to prepare for marriage but instead trusting that God alone is the one who will prepare me as I live in obedience to Him. That following hard after Him with a humble, eager and teachable spirit is allowing Him to mold me but most importantly the best way to approach ANY relationship.
Today, I read a blog about faith that I believe gives one of the best explanations on faith that I’ve heard in a long time. You can find the original blog here but for the purpose of this post here it is below:
Bones on Faith
I happened to turn on the television the other day just as this exchange was taking place between two characters, Hodgins and Brennan, on the show Bones. The two were trapped in a buried car with very little air left:
H: If the ransom was paid, we’d be out by now. Why prolong the inevitable?
B: Booth will find us.
H: You have a lot of faith in Booth.
B: No, faith is an irrational belief in something that is logically impossible. Over time I’ve seen what Booth can do. It’s not faith.
Brennan has a popular misunderstanding of the word “faith.” Faith is opposed to sight, not to rationality, logic, or knowledge. Ironically, she was giving an excellent demonstration of faith, though she misunderstood the word. She couldn’t see Booth coming to save her, but she had knowledge about Booth through previous demonstrations of his abilities that led her to trust in his ability to save her in the future. Her belief that Booth would save her was not illogical–there’s nothing about such a belief that defies logic. But it was unseen–that is, he had not yet saved her.
In the same way, we trust God to fulfill His promises based on what we know of His character and power. Faith is looking back to what God has done in the past “so that we may know” He is God, and then “coming to God, believing that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him.” We have anassurance of things that are, as yet, unseen because over time we’ve seen what God can do. This is faith.
This is what I’m talking about in regard to faith and singleness! By trusting God to do what is best for us in all areas of our lives, whether big or small, and seeing his providence in those areas of our lives will undoubtedly allow us to have assurance in him regarding things that are unseen. For me, this is marriage. I have faith that God knows what is best for me. For now it is singleness. May it be consecrated wholeheartedly to Him.
